Teeth and Time
by sweatyscotty
Summary: When Artemis wakes up in hospital to Arno Blunt and scary men who think he's a terrorist he's not that surprised. However something is clearly wrong when he sees Blunt still has his molars. Post TLC
1. In which Artemis wakes

Disclaimer: Don't own Artemis Fowl. Belongs to Eoin Colfer.

Summary: Artemis Fowl wakes up in a hospital room to Arno Blunt- and a bunch of scary men who think he's a terrorist, he isn't that surprised. Something is evidently wrong though, when he sees Arno Blunt has still got his molars.

A/N: Originally I posted another fic with this plot, but I quickly forgot about it. However I did get a review for it, and when I looked over it I decided I would try again, but not go about it in such a… non serious way as before. It's set after the events in TLC, but like I'm taking a lot of liberties with the whole time travel stuff.

Chapter 1: Patient X 

He woke to a foreign steady beeping.

Too lazy, too sore to open his eyes, Artemis tried to determine the cause of the noise. Then he groaned. Beeping, pain.

He was in a hospital.

Lifting his heavy eyes, his thought was confirmed by a pastel wall, a white metal frame of the bottom of his bed, and a chart stuck to its side.

Not to mention he had tubes attached to him.

"Hey," a strangers voice alerted him to another person in the room, coming from his left. Artemis didn't bother turning his head. "Hey, kid. Are you awake."

He offered only another groan in response.

"shit. I'll be back with a nurse."

Bring a doctor, Artemis thought. He probably tried to say it too, but all that came out was a pathetic gurgle.

He must have fallen asleep again, because when Artemis next opened his eyes a chubby nurse was leaning over on front of him, taking a look at one of the tubes he was hooked up to… morphine? In his complete dazed, pained state he couldn't even appreciate the view he had.

"He can't still be that bad, can he? I'm going to have to get something out of him soon." It was the voice from earlier, only now Artemis noticed something familiar in it. The accent, was it Australian, was ringing a bell in his head, the alarm bells.

"It'll be the drugs that are affecting him mainly, at the moment. He's been semi conscious for a day or so now, I doubt he's in any real pain." she replied lightly, too cheerfully for what she was saying. "Not agony, at least."

"great," the familiar man muttered. "When can I take him down to the office?"

"Not now,." The nurses' voice took on an admonishing tone, and she stepped out of Artemis' line of sight. "Even if his illness is fading, he still has a broken leg."

"Last time I looked, we supplied wheelchairs."

"if you need to talk to him, do it here."

As the man shuffled to the front of his bed, Artemis braced himself against the pillows for concentration. He was finally able to see the stranger, who has been skulking around his room since he woke up. One glance at the mop of blonde hair and his stomach curled up, he grimaced and let his head flop laxly on the pillow.

His first instinct was to scream. Artemis Fowl was normally perfectly composed, but when one was two sheets to the wind and suddenly met a man who wanted to kill him, he felt he could make exceptions. Only he didn't, he couldn't. He couldn't yell to get him away.

Why was Arno Blunt in his hospital room?

Why was he in hospital?

"Fucksake, girl, did you see that." The Blunt look a like yelled at the nurse, cocking his head in Artemis' direction. "the shit grimaced when he saw my face." grinning to himself, he turned back to the bed, "got to tell you, you don't look like much of an oil painting yourself."

Giving him a withering glare, the nurse came up from behind , to see for herself. Her eyebrows furrowing in concern, she pressed her palms flat against Blunt's back.

"Come on, you're not starting today." she pushed him playfully in the direction of the door, he pretended to resist until he got to the threshold.

"When will I get at him, then?"

"I'm not sure- we'll send word if he's recovered."

"Right then," Blunt nodded curtly, zipping his jacket up. "I'll check back tomorrow."

"No," she yelled down the hall after him as he walked away, "I'll call for you."

"Bye."

Sighing, her shoulders slumped as he continued to head away. Ignoring her protests. Then she turned back into the room, hands on her hips, eyeing up her patient in bemusement. Meeting her eyes, he mimicked her feelings with as little movement as possible, raising his eyebrows.

"Trust me honey, you'll get used to it." Before leaving the room, she tapped the side of his bed fondly, beaming at him. "see you later."

Her shift must have ended then, because throughout the day various nurses and hospital staff hung around his room, but she was never among them. At first Artemis worried that his condition, which the circumstances of which were still a mystery to him, was still so unstable that they couldn't risk leaving him too long.

This thought was put to rest though, when the janitor spent half an hour scraping chewing gum from under the window sill.

Even in his drugged and drowsy stupor, Fowl was no fool. They were keeping an eye on him, and he had no idea why.

Twice he tried to get the attention of a few of the more amicable looking nurses, pushing himself forward from the bed so they'd know he was trying to talk to him. However both times when he began to form words, they scolded him and told him to get rest.

The biggest clue came from a motherly middle aged nurse, who bossed the other younger women about almost like a matron.

"Don't be sitting like that." she yelled at him, rather harshly, her words conflicting with a gentle pat on the arm. "that was a nasty fall you had."

He was surprised, in the early hours of the morning, when he woke up and found he could move without much difficulty. The heavy drowsiness the drugs had caused was now gone, and he was feeling strangely mobile. Testing his limbs carefully , he was surprised to find out that, other than a general soreness which was probably caused by lying in a bed for ages, he didn't feel any pain.

A normal person would have been grateful, but Artemis was suspicious.

Determined to be awake when the first doctor or nurse came to see him, he sat upright, stiff against the cushions, and thought about the situation he was in. Amazed he hadn't been more shocked the day before.

Arno Blunt had been in his hospital room.

No matter what situation he thought up, there was no way a hospital would legally let Arno Blunt sit in on him. Even if he had left prison early, he wouldn't be allowed to go near Fowl.

Thinking this through, the first nurse from yesterday came in to see him sitting upright on the bed, staring thoughtfully at the covers.

"Oh," she exclaimed at the doorway, grabbing on to the frame. "Hello. Your awake then."

"It would seem so," he replied slowly, looking at her warily. "should I be?"

The nurse seemed surprise to see him up at this point, but disguised this emotion quickly. She came into the room and sat down on the soft chair beside Artemis' bed, taking her time in answering Artemis' question.

"I was awake yesterday, also." he commented, casually, but the nurse evidently caught the implication, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead.

She didn't seem to know how to reply to that.

"Miss, were you sedating me."

She grinned.

"No, you patients are all so paranoid. " chuckling to herself she added, "Why do we always get the warped ones."

Not returning the smile, Artemis shrank back slightly when she suddenly lurched forward. Giving him a funny look, she grabbed the clip board off the edge of his bed, to read off it.

"How're you feeling?"

"I feel stable. Completely stable."

She clucked her tongue at that, glaring at Artemis over the clip board."Any soreness."

"No. None at all."

"None?"

"None." he repeated firmly. He knew that if he mentioned the bed soreness she would jot it down. He wanted to be discharged.

"Okay, any nausea?"

"No." he snapped exasperated. "Nurse.."

"Julie" she cut in.

"Nurse Julie, may I ask you a question, please."

"Of course you may, so long as you don't accuse me of overdoing your morphine dose."

"Has my mother consented to this treatment." A quick glance of disdain around the room, into the hall, added a silent 'to treatment _here_'.

The nurse, Julie, froze, and shook her head quickly, nervously. "I'm I afraid that I..I'm not the person to ask that." she said, keeping her eyes on the clip board, her voice more shrill than before. "I… you'll have to ask a doctor."

Odd. Artemis thought. He'd have to check with the doctor to see if he could contact his mother, or better Butler, about getting him transferred to another hospital.

Where there were no Arno Blunts.

From her familiarity yesterday, he was sure he could ask her about him, and why he was in the room. He put it off though- systematically replying "No, none, not really" to her string of questions- numb? Tired? Swelling?- until she was on her way out, evidently eager to get out of the room with the cheeky patient that was accusing her of drugging him.

"Miss…Nurse."

"Julie." she told him again. "yes what is it."

"I was wondering if you could not let that man Bl-" he stopped himself from finishing his name, not wanting her to think that he knew him. "that blonde man- could you not let him back into my room."

The nurse was not skilled at concealing her feelings, clearly shocked by what he has asked, her face twisted in confusion.

"He made me uncomfortable." he snapped, not appreciating the expression she was making. " I think it's understandable that I don't want him near me."

Continuing her pattern of a long silence before replying, she stared at him, her head tilted to the side. When she spoke it was in the soft tones she had used before he had asked about his mother. Perhaps she had remembered the way drugged up Artemis had reacted to his presence the previous day.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do anything about him."

She was firm, but gave him a sympathetic smile, tapping the side of his bed like the day before. "I am sorry."

Nearly calling after her, Artemis glared at his bed sheets. His feeling of unease had increased, and no one had told him what was wrong yet. He could have asked, but after the reply to a simple enquiry about his mother, he decided he'd rather not.

Besides, he was quickly distracted by something else. On the seat, he observed, the nurse had stupidly left his chart lying. Curiosity getting the better of him, he snatched it up, after taking a quick furtive glance out the door.

Turning it the right way up, he let his eyes scan down the sheet, detailing his condition. Not terribly informative, Artemis was not surprised by the nature of his injuries. The shock came from something entirely different.

"_Patient X"_

A.N: Okay. I AM going to continue this. I am determined. I crave reviews and critique though. Even if it's just to say "you spelt -insert word- wrong" or "I think this is interesting". It helps me get things out faster.

Next chapter: _Teeth_


	2. In which no one knows anything

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it. Eoin Colfer does

**Chapter Summary:**Arno doesn't have a clue. Neither does Artemis.

**A/N:** For a first chapter I was really happy with getting reviews. I also understand that this was a while to wait. A long while actually, but I've got exams coming up, I've been ill, I went to Cyprus, **insert excuses here.**

I also feel this chapter isn't adequate after the wait but I feel it had to end where it ended because if I went any further I'd feel like I was ending it at a place where things shouldn't be ended. You know what I mean, I hope. Meh, these spaces are meant for talking shite.

So, to my reviewers.

**Moi and Kyugima**- I'm glad you found the opening chapter interesting. I don't think you'll find this one has MUCH story progression, but I hope you'll keep reading until the third chapter because that's hopefully when we'll find out what's going on :D

**black dimanond **– Well, I'm happy that you like my fic. I also haven't read much Artemis Fowl Fanfiction recently, I tend to find the whole 'Artemis Fowl in High school' thing is all I can find. So with this I'm trying to see if I can work something new. I'm glad you think I've written it well- trust me I'm my own biggest critic and I think most of what I write is bullshit. So if you like it, tell me. And if you think it's bullshit- tell me XD

**Chapter 2- In which no one has any idea what is going on**

The grip on Julie's arm was tight, holding her as they waited by the doors. She looked at the owner of the offending hand anxiously, and tried to squirm out of his grasp.

"Can't you just pass on the message? Please."

Not replying, Arno Blunt nodded at the door. Three figures approached, their pace slowed down by conversation. Then, discreetly, he took out a cigarette from his jeans pocket.

"You can't smoke here Arno!" Julie protested, pointing to a bold sign hanging over the empty reception.

"Wanna point to the sign that says I can't hold unlit fags in between my teeth?"

Pressing her lips tightly together, she decided to not deign him with a response. Instead she stayed quiet until she felt a rush of cold air come into the room. At the front of the trio stood Lorrie, easily the most intimidating figure on the compound,

Most notable on a Tuesday, like today, when the office wore suits, kitted out in a tailered blue designer three piece, always worn with the jacket open so there was a clear view of the waistcoat. Tall, blonde, and handsome.

"What did I say about casual clothes, Blunt!" She snapped, taking down an old fashioned black umbrella. "once a week! That's all I ask."

Shrugging, Blunt tugged once at the tie he had slung around his neck. "I tried. Hey."

He waved briefly at the two men standing behind Lorrie, neither short but still dwarfed in comparison.

Rolling her eyes, Lorrie's attention switched from Blunt to Julie.

"What's she doing here?" She demanded, eyes narrowed.

Unsure of how to reply, everyone was unsure around Lorrie, Julie just let her mouth hang agape, and stared at Arno for assistance.

"eh. Um.."

"That's why I'm waiting for you. we've got some interesting stuff to tell you."

* * *

"Will it interest me, actually?"Lorrie said, her face tone telling them she had her doubts. Then shrugging, she walked to the lift and pressed the up button. "have a try, but tell me upstairs. My feet are sore."

"I was told you were awake, by one of the girls."

Artemis kept staring at the space in his bed, not responding to the woman.

"I heard you gave her quite a fright, bit her head off. Now I don't know what you think but-"

"I want to make a phone call." Artemis interrupted, his voice even.

Sighing, she scratched at her scalp. Now Artemis could see that he had judged the woman's age wrong, the day before, she wasn't that old, Just haggard.

"Who'll you call?"

"Have you been in contact with my mother."

Artemis knew the answer, he'd read the clip board, _Patient X. _He wondered though, if the woman would dodge the question like the younger chubby nurse from earlier.

"Would you like to call your mother?"

Eyes narrowed, Artemis snapped back at her. "You didn't answer my question. No one is answering my questions."

"It's only fair," she replied, her expression one of dark amusement, "You've not answered mine."

She sighed, rubbing her hands on her thighs, then nodded at the chair. "Do you mind if I.."

Artemis shrugged, and taking it as a yes she sat in the seat, with her palms pressed on her legs.

"Have you looked out the window yet?"

"No."

"I'd tell you to look, but there isn't much to see. A few hills, not very attractive, the trees were all cut down recently. You've not exactly got the hotel view. Other than the hills, all you can see is the tarmac of this compound, a fence, and a concrete watch tower.., so as I said.."

She trailed off dramatically, meeting Artemis' eyes with a smirk.

"Mind," she went on after a few moments of silence, her eyes traveling down the patterned curtains "I'm sure you already knew all that."

Artemis began to shake his head. "No i didn't. I knew none of that."

Of course, the woman, the matron (which he had began to call her in his head despite the title going out of use), was trying to get answers out of him. Still, unlike with the girl nurse, and obviously Arno Blunt, he didn't find her presence intrusive.

She sat there quietly for a while, hands clasped in her lap, eyes focused on Artemis'. She still wore the odd smile.

"Miss.."

"You may call me Ma'am, all the others do." the woman instructed him, it wasn't a request.

"Madame,"

She smirked. "Oh if only. Sorry, go on, madame if you like."

"..Madame," It seemed him that every time he said that, her smile increased a bit, until the point where he felt she was laughing at him. "Honestly, I don't even remember what happened to me."

The way she rose her eyebrows at that told him she didn't believe him.

"Why, you fell... or your injuries imply-" she stopped herself, looking him over suspiciously,"implied that. What's really interesting though is not the fall, but where you fell."

Artemis watched her expectantly, waiting for her to fill the blanks. But, seeing this, she shook her head.

"There are things I can't say.." Standing up she let out a great, groan, like she was aching, and yawned. "Now I've got to go be productive. I'll see about your phone call."

When left, Artemis Fowl attempted to do everything except think. He counted the pears on the curtains- again. He read a safety procedures notice, which was pinned to the door. And when he was done, he thought about how he didn't want to think. And what it meant. But he knew what it meant.

For the first time in a long time, Artemis Fowl felt trapped.

He knew fear. It was something he could adjust to. Along as he knew where he was, or had an idea of who he was working with, he would adjust. Always.

But after reviewing what he knew, or who he knew. He found that the scary answer was nothing. But that was wrong. He knew one person.

And that was the other reason Artemis didn't want to think. He didn't want to think about how he was near, possibly sleeping in the same building as, Arno Blunt.

Then there were the words of Madame. There was a watchtower. If anything, he knew he wasn't in a hospital. That was something he supposed.

Madame returned to his room after a couple of hours. She carried with her a tray, piled with a couple of plates.

"I've been good and got you some food ahead of the dinner. We've got some mince and potatoes, and a good Minestrone soup."

Despite not remembering the last time he'd eaten, Artemis didn't feel very hungry. At least not for what she was calling mashed potatoes. He stabbed the food with his fork, and dragged it around the plate. Every time he lifted it up to eat from it, he set it back down again.

"Stop that." Madame snapped, "boy, who taught you to eat?"

"I think you'll find I have perfect manners."

"Oh yeah, it really shows."

"perfect manners for perfect food." he continued, eyeing the mince with contempt. "I think the soup looks edible though."

Madame grinned slightly, and began to respond only to be cut off by a new comer to the room.

"He's a charmer, ain't he?"

Both pairs of eyes shot to the door, where Blunt was standing lazily, with nurse Julie tottering behind him.

If he had been slightly irritated by her before, he really hated the girl now.

"Mr Blunt." Madame said civily, standing to offer him her chair, only to sit back down when he put his palm to the air.

"I'll stand. Just wanted to see this guy. I need to have a few words with him, shouldn't be doing it here but... I'll be quick. Promise."

"I'll leave you then."

She walked to the door, barking at Julie impatiently. "Where have you been, shouldn't you be working!"

The younger nurses' reply was muffled by the door closing behind them, leaving Artemis alone with Arno Blunt.

From the way he hung round, pressed against the wall, Artemis suspected that the chubby nurse had told him about Artemis' complaints. He had his arms folded defensively- and his attention was solely on the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

Artemis blinked.

"You know, you should be feeling quite shit."

"Mr Blunt... is this a joke."

As he spoke, Artemis focused on duvet covering him. He half expected a blow at any moment. Or the clicking of a safety catch.

"eh, so Julie told you my name. Not that I get what you mean. You should be feeling quite shit."

"stop it! Please."

Artemis Fowl didn't mean to sound desperate, but was unable to take that edge of his voice. This man spent years in prison and it was all because of him. As he had walked in the door the man had had to duck- he was large. Not Butler large, but large enough for Artemis to be at threat with his present lack of Butler.

"I don't want to play any games, Blunt. I have nothing to say to you."

He spoke again to sound less panicked, but his statement didn't come out as firm and commanding as he'd hoped.

"What, kid, did you get brain damage in the fall or something? Could you look at me. What the fuck did I do?" He said, and took quick step towards the bed, but stopped, shaking his head, when Artemis began to push himself away. "I don't deserve any of the crap I'm getting from you. Not yet at least. Give me a day and maybe I'll piss you off enough."

As Artemis began to talk again, Blunt cut in.

"If the next word out your word is 'please' or 'stop it' I'll give you a fucking reason to complain. Now if I sit down will I be attacked?"

he took a seat without waiting for Artemis to reply. Not that he'd intended to give one anyway. Instead he looked away, to the curtains covered in pears, past which he had been told there was a manned watch tower. That watch tower was all that was keeping him in the bed.

"Can I get a name out of you?"

"patient X." Artemis said venemously, without thinkng."

Arno Blunt sighed. "I don't like smart alecs."

"Don't pretend you don't know my name, then."

"But I don't know your name!"

When Artemis remained silent he let out a loud dramatic groan.

"Fine then!" he snapped. "Humour me! Let's say I'm someone who doesn't apparently know you? What would you tell me to call you then?"

Closing his eyes, Artemis Fowl began to breathe slowly. Then he said flatly. "but you know me."

Blunt swore, loudly, he jumped out of his seat and stomped around the room childishly. This was no look a like, it was definitely him. He stopped at the foot of the bed and stared at Artemis, exasperated.

"I'm going to have to pull you in now, to the proper offices for interviewing. Is that what you want. Fuck man, i hate shits like you."

As he was leaving the room, Artemis, still facing the window said:

"I'd tell them to call me Artemis Fowl."

He then turned and fixed his eyes on Blunt.

"But you know me."

_------

A/N: yeah so, I don't like how it seems like nothing happened in that chapter. But something did happen, we just didn't see it. Because I like there to be some secrets. So what do YOU think is happening? If you want to say,then review. I appreciate feedback- so let me know how I'm doing.

I should mention, if I haven't already, this takes place after TLC and goes way AU from there. coolbeans

SweatyScotty


	3. In which Blunt doesn't eat Pasta

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Artemis Fowl series, Eoin Colfer does.

**Summary:** Arno Blunt just wanted to eat his pasta. But short people don't let him

**Authors Note:** See there starts to be plot here. I apologise for the long wait. I'm in the middle of exams. I have two more. I don't like exams. Can. You. Tell?

**Review replies**

**Liris**- Holly is going to be in this. Not for a while though. As you will see in this chapter I'm tackling two story lines which are closely tied together. Once it's there, we'll have Holly. And probably the end of the story. But she will be in it. As for your questions..... I think I just created more in this update. Actually, I answered some. You should be catching on by now.

**Black Dimanond- **Thankyou for the praise about Blunt. We weren't told much about him, but from what I gathered from the books: he's charasmatic/ socially skilled, vain, quick to temper, intelligent, panics easily. And that's what I'm working with.

**Moi and Kyugima- **I'm afraid that patience is a must when waiting for me to update. Thankyou for your lovely review!

**Eleanor Damlaschke- **You know how much I loved your review. I sent you a rambling reply which basically said THANKYOUPLEASEKEEPREADING. So I'll keep it short. Thankyou very much for your praise and criticism. You are loved :)

Chapter 4 is already well underway to completion. Expect a quicker update.

**Chapter 3- In which Blunt doesn't eat pasta**

Arno Blunt had put the kettle on the boil when his door was kicked in. He hadn't been making tea, but pasta, which made the situation of his door getting kicked in even more annoying because he hadn't eaten.

Thinking it was local boys who'd come to beat the shit out of him, he was unprepared for the pressure of a gun barrel on the small of his back.

"Put your arms in the air and turn around, Mr Blunt." Said a rather adult voice.

Wondering what people could have possibly thought him to have done in the week since he got out of prison, he did as he was told. He was ninety degrees round when he caught his first proper view of his arrestors. Then he laughed, slightly.

The man cocked the gun up threateningly, and Blunt murmured a 'sorry', grinning all the while. He hadn't done anything, so he could risk pissing off a midget from the MET.

A group of midgets, in fact, or rather short people to the rather tall Arno Blunt, all wearing odd helmets. The police seemed to have upgraded in the time he was inside.

"Did we have to knock down the door?" asked one of the other short men. He was clutching a handgun which was unrecognisable to Blunt. The police had definitely upgraded in the time he was inside.

"Shut up, Captain Kelp."

Arno Blunt didn't know what a huffy armed policeman looked like, but he thought it might look like this 'Captain Kelp', who had let his grip fall lax and was slumped against the wall.

"Ignore him!" snapped the leader. Then he lifted his mask, revealing a chiselled-definitely adult- and tanned face. "Look at me!"

As Blunt did so, he realised there was probably a mistake in his actions. But it didn't matter when seconds later the man said, firmly.

"_sleep_."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As he watched the giant fall to the floor, he heard groans resounding behind him.

"Sir! You could have got him strapped up first."

"Shut up, don't be a bunch of..eh.." He briefly wondered what he could say without offending his sensitive team. He finally gave up and growled, "Get on with it!"

He sat in Arno Blunt's chair and smoked while they attached him to the moon belt. The flat was tiny, two roomed. No wonder the man had seemed so relieved by armed men coming to take him away. However, it didn't make much sense to him that they'd found him here at all.

"Kelp!" he snapped suddenly.

"What?" the man was still sitting against the wall, leaving the others to deal with the monster task.

"Help out a little!" You had to be extremely careful about what you said to the younger of the Kelp brothers. Since Trouble had become the commander, Grub's laziness had mutated and grown. At least under Sool this boy could be controlled.

Kelp huffed and but moved over to the rest of the team- doing something which resembled work. They didn't have too much resentment towards him, they reserved it for their leader, lounging in a scabby arm chair. He ignored their glares, puffing on his fag uncaring, he didn't believe in mingling.

"sir!" said one, jumping up. "we've got him ready."

Slowly the leader nodded, but remained in his position. Simultaneous eye rolls and groans followed as they were forced to wait for him to finish smoking.

"Okay." he said finally, stomping the fag on the arm of the chair. "shut up. And get started."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A pretty pixie led the way, manoeuvring her way between stocky males expertly . Foaly followed more awkwardly, muttering "excuse me" and "could you let me through." The girl reached the crowded door, and as she went for the handle the shouting started.

"How come he gets in!" An elf close to Foaly yelled, gesturing at him violently.

"Commanders orders" she said, smiling sweetly.

The smile was misleading, Foaly knew that for a girl to hold her own in this building required a swift kick and smart thinking, even if you were the secretary.

This was the Recon building, home to the sort of fairy you avoided when you were young. To Foaly the recon were bullies given a badge. Normally, when he did work for them, he had them send someone along to him. He avoided the headquarters like a dwarf's arse.

After managing to finally wrench open the door, and kick back some Recon fairies with his back hooves, Foaly and the blonde pixie were alone in a quieter corridor.

"Everyone is so exited!" she said chirpily. "I don't think we've ever held a mudman in the whole time I've worked here."

"How long is that."

"Fifty-four years. They're in here." she stopped on front of a heavy door and knocked twice.

From inside Foaly could here mumbled words, then footsteps. Finally, after half a minute of waiting, someone heaved the door open.

"Hello, Mr Crocus. I brought Mr Foaly like the Commander asked."

The elf who opened the door was young, with rough handsome chiselled features. Foaly recognised him immediately as the new Captain of Recon. He was much younger than most of his colleagues: rising up the ranks in a legendary speed incredibly reminiscent of the current Commanders. His personality however, was less than stellar.

With a grunt, he held the door open for the centaur. Then he nodded at the pixie girl, standing in the door way beaming.

"You can go now."

As he closed the door, the girls smile fell away, replaced by an angry scowl. There appeared to be little love there for her boss.

"Foaly!" The centaurs attention was switched to the commander, approaching with an outstretched hand, ready for formalities. Foaly hated formalities, but then remembered he was in the recon building. So he shook it.

"Come on, I'm afraid we've got none of those fancy centaur chairs here. We're standing anyway."

He followed the commander over to the screen, which took up an entire wall. In the adjacent room was a huge blonde mud man, sitting on a small chair designed for undesirable fairies. The small smile he was wearing told them that he was enjoying himself.

"How is your success with the mudman." Foaly dropped the case he was holding. "Need my help yet?"

"He's not said anything yet. Jean is just going through again.."

"Don't call me Jean." Snapped the other man, lighting a fag. As he stalked over to the door he added: "We're wasting our time. And it's giving me paperwork."

He seemed to be muttering more to himself than any occupant of the room. But Foaly saw Trouble's expression darken slightly. When Crocus entered next door, Foaly could see Blunt begin to talk. The sound wasn't turned on. But he could tell from his expression that the tone was mocking.

"It's recording, he's just talking about midgets just now. Thinks we're a practical joke."

"I don't think he could have anything to do with what's happened."

"Really? Well I think it's too much of a coincidence for this to all happen in the two weeks after he's been released from jail." Trouble shrugged, then kicked at the solid case Foaly had put on the floor. "in any case, we'll know soon… you were able to carry it over in that?"

"Hey hey," Foaly snatched it back up, and wrapped his arms around it protectively. "don't hurt it. I put a lot of effort into this. I got people moaning that it wasn't portable enough, what with the amount of time it took to move things in all those Fowl problems."

Trouble nodded slowly, staring intently at the sight of the giant mudman being interrogated by his subordinate. He still wore a small grin, but his eyes were narrowed. The commander sighed. Crocus had that effect on people.

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The minute the name was mentioned, Arno Blunt found it difficult to keep smiling. He was imagining he still had his pointy teeth, but they had been removed from him years ago. In prison.

And now he was to find out that his apparent incarceration was because of that boy. Again?

He wanted his teeth back very much.

"Don't pretend you don't know something, your wearing the truth on your face."

Apparently he was showing his anger, but the midget was misinterpreting it. Arno Blunt kicked his feet up onto the table separating them.

"Nup." He said, tucking his hands behind his head. "I don't know shit."

"Mr Blunt, you'll have noticed by now that we're not like you."

"You mean you're a midget." Arno snorted.

The man didn't reply. He stood up from his own chair and fingered the bat on his hip. Blunt's grin faltered for a second, but he shook his head.

"Fuck- you can't do that. It's against the law."

"I just said we're not like you."

Suddenly this man, this midget, seemed more menacing. Blunt knew he should jump up and hold his own. But how could he be sure this wasn't British police? In that case fighting back wasn't a good idea.

"Listen." said Blunt slowly. "I don't really care if you beat the shit out of me, as soon as I get fed up you know that I can-FUCK."

The baton caught him in the side of the face, Arno went to grab it but the man retracted it quickly.

It's owner sat down again, and placed it on the table. Then he folded his arms.

"Now you know I can do it." he said, wearing a smirk.

"FUCK." Arno Blunt grasped at his cheek and gaped at his attacker. Every moment he stayed with him told him that this wasn't some midget. The pointy ears were one thing, but what midget would have dared to do that to Blunt. He rotated his jaw and then started again. Treading more carefully.

"I don't know anything about the shit. Or this girl you're missing. If something has happened to him then I don't give a fuck, I'm happy even-"

The glare intensified and the man reached for the baton.

Blunt reached forward and slammed his own hands over it. Probably an extremely bad move, but he didn't feel like getting hit again.

"BUT." He continued. "I don't know about a Holly. And I'm not being paid just now."

He released the man's hands. The baton was back in the air in seconds.

"HEY!" Blunt held his hands over his face, vanity coming through. "Fuck, I'm telling the truth."

The icy scowl told him he didn't care. He looked set to swing. But then the door opened.

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Through the screen, Trouble watched the incident unfold. At first Trouble was smiling slightly, interested in the sudden agitation from the mudman. Apparently Foaly shared his sentiments, because he went over to the switchboard and turned on their speaker.

"This looks interesting."

They listened as the conversation filled their small room. The mention of Fowl's name had set him off, the mudman lost some of his lazy grace, despite trying to fake it.

Could he be responsible?

Foaly flinched a little when Crocus reached for the baton, but from the lack of reaction from Trouble he supposed it was a scaring tactic.

But then he swung.

So now he had been proved wrong and decided that, yes, Crocus was mad, and, yes, leaving the Recon HQ seemed like a good idea.

"Shouldn't you do something, Kelp." he said, trying to sound calm. "Because, you know, beating up mud men is all fun. But personally, I think this is the wrong mudman for that."

The three inch thick, bullet and laser proof screen suddenly didn't seem enough distance from him. Or Crocus.

His smile now rather grim, Trouble shook his head. "We use it occasionally. Never more than once. Normally gets them talking." At Foaly's doubtful look he added. "we've done it for as long as I can remember."

It was his way of saying that Julius had approved of it too.

"Are you doubting my technology, Commander? This isn't the dark ages when we only had lie detectors."

Trouble shrugged. "The mudmans a jerk, Foaly. I don't like brutality… but you like the other mudman. And the mudboy. He tried to kill them, more than once."

"Yes, but Crocus doesn't."

"Yeah well, meet Crocus."

As if on cue, the interrogation intensified. Blunt had Crocus' hands pinned with the baton under his own. Both were silent as he spoke:

"_I don't know about a Holly, and I'm not being paid just now."_

Foaly wondered briefly if this mudman was lying, he hoped he was, because this would all seem like a messy waste of time otherwise. The thought was brief though, because then Crocus had his baton back.

Foaly glanced at Trouble anxiously. "I think you said once only."

"I did." Trouble replied curtly. Then, like lightening, he was at the door. Kicking it open he stopped the recon captain, who was ready to strike.

"Jean." He said, his voice tight. "I think we should move on."

Crocus, looked at his baton, then back at his commander. Then the charisma he'd gained during the interrogation was gone and he tossed the baton to the side.

"don't you call me Jean, Trouble."

He marched out of the interrogation room, shoving past Foaly. Collapsing onto the single couch, he pulled some cigarettes from the pocket of his trousers.

"Fucking waste of a day." he muttered.

Foaly agreed.


End file.
